Friday, November 25, 2016

yo! gurt!

yogurt dressing.... can't say i'm fan in the least.
honestly, the only reason i picked this up was becuz it was ABSOLUTELY FREE!

do i like anything from bolthouse farms?! oh, i like that chai drink thing... totes taser.

this wasn't bad for a weird-ass yogurt dressing. i mean i'll never actually buy it, but yeah...
eat yogurt anytime you want, and use salad dressing on salad. 

however, if this is yr thang, i thought the mildly sweet onion tones provided a nice mask for the sometimes overwhelming feeling of "why am eating yogurt covered romaine?!"


i srsly do not have anything against yogurt.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The Return of FRANCH...

With the big foods laying in wait tomorrow, do i really need to remind anyone of the wonders of FRANCH and the impact it will have on yr T'givings table?!
Impress yr friend and/or family with worldly excellence in taste.
FRANCH "livens up" any dish... even the really bland, flavorless one that will have you questioning why you even bothered to prepare!

Lucky for you FRANCH has been reborn in this fantastic new guide into culinary outer-limits by: Goatmother Industrial + Table-Blue Brand.



Along with so many other exciting food ideas, most of which are about as appropriate for thanksgiving as a boxful of plastic bags would be in a baby's crib.

Viola!

Friday, November 11, 2016

"POSSESSED" salad dressing strikes fear throughout state of wyoming!!!

well... maybe not the entire state, but if you needed another reason to avoid wyoming (doubtful), here ya go...




What should have been the start of a delicious meal turned into a nightmare for a Wyoming woman who says she was attacked by a 'possessed' bottle of salad dressing!
In a very strange local news report, Divel McClean described the incident to a reporter from KTWO.
According to McClean, after she retrieved the salad dressing from the refrigerator, she suddenly heard a series of pops coming from the container.
"I looked up and it was possessed," she said, "it was going crazy. It was shooting up in the air and to the side."
Astounded by what was happening, McClean took pictures of the bottle because she didn't think anyone would believe her story.
"Well, it's hard to explain I was attacked by a bottle of salad dressing," she told to the newscast.
Fortunately for McClean, the incident was not driven by demonic forces and, in fact, had a more prosaic explanation as her salad dressing had actually been recalled months ago.
At the time, manufacturers explained, bacteria in the dressing was creating gas bubbles which erupted when the bottles were opened.
The answer to the mystery of the 'possessed' salad dressing was little consolation for McClean, who claims that the exploding dressing caused $2,500 in damages to the kitchen, her clothes, and a nearby computer.
And, we presume, she never got to eat that salad either.
Source: Vice.com

Count Your Dressings Notes:

1. To begin, I have serious doubts that the meal she was preparing would fall under the category: "delicious".
2. Who/what the fuck is Dorothy Lynch? (hope it was on sale).
3. First name: Divel.... easily anagrammed. (Who's possessing what here?)
4. Last name: McClean. Well, McClean it up.
5. Sound effect grandmaster.

huge ups to ms. skolmoski for bringing this to our immediate attention here!

Saturday, October 29, 2016

cardini's "red jalapeno caesar"

so.... i grabbed this because no anchovies, + on sale...
hmm.

the taster here is feeling something similar to an "any brand" thousand island, only lighter.
finally kinda got into it, but only via sandwich.
nothing caesar about it really.
i recall cardini's original caesar as a go-to back in the day....
stick w/ the o.g.

on a scale of 9 to 5, this gets a 6 for possible extra-salad usability.
and a 2 for actual taste.