Sketchy Salad in Only 2 Months?

While never doubting the brutal truthfulness of Reductress, we just had to wonder...

   Is it possible for a woman to grow a salad, sketchy or otherwise, in only 2(two) Months??

Image by Reductress.

Yup!

It IS totes truly possible, even easy feasy to go from seeds in dirt to tiny mouthfuls of sad, slumpy salad in two(2) months -- or less!

After selectively skimming the work of others, along w/ a flurry of related search results, we discovered that vegetables can grow really fucking fast!  

For starters, leaf lettuce, generally matures fast, in about seven to eight weeks, which makes it ideal for a home garden. As a bonus, it can really be harvested anytime you see leaves big enough to eat, making it ideal for the general pace of life + unevolved patience that has one wondering why they ever thought a garden was a good idea in the first place.

Next in our living salad bowl is the radish. Generally considered to be the fastest-growing vegetable, the radish can be harvested as soon as 3-4 weeks after planting. While there's an outside chance of pulling off a few cucumbers or baby carrots, stick to the produce aisle for standard salad faves onions + tomatoes.

If timing is everything, we should point to the publish date of the original post in question, May 14, which is a perfect point on the calendar to plant this pathetic pursuit! Another truth-o-meter star for Reductress, which we discovered during our research for this article is a feminist news satire site, which parodies the way the media talks down to women. 

Unbiased research + countless unread articles aside, lettuce smile for salad + DIY enthusiasm! We hope this encourages all aspiring, overidealistic salad farmers out there to not go too hard on themselves, or the lettuce leaves, + we look forward to a bumper crop of aimless, sputtering personal social media posts + blog entries this harvest season!

*Thanks again to Ms. Canada for another absolutely apposite prompt! Nice follow up to "women laughing alone with salad"! 

And We'd Like To Thank...

...Baseball Card Vandals for fronting this dressed-down, motivational powerpoint of a piece! Pure taser-mounted chainsaw energy to get us back in the game. Announcing Count Yr Dressings™ Open Call for Articles of Interest (Submissions) for May 2024!

Image Credit: Baseball Card Vandals (https://shopbcv.com/)

I mean... look, we haven't posted single fucking follow up since 2(two)02(two)-fucking-2(two). Somebody hast, on the sliding scale of hast, to do this. That said, this is now your problem, and we're absolutely ready of capability and willing to make it damn happen to you - like it happened to us.

Send SUbmissions to: kennedy.tableblue @ gmail.com
Deadline: 11:11pm, April 15, 2024
Fuck taxes. Get dressed. 

*Article Submission Guidelines: Just take a look around